i think you need to start again , sorry. to me this statement came across to be quite negative. dont say you didn't like the job. say something like i need something more challenging and that nursing offers this. mention new skills you aim to require and skills you have to offer from uni, and work experience. start the statement with what made you want to do nursing. i like the bit where u have mentioned about your sister and that its rewarding but think of other things that are personal to you. how you would conclude is by mentioning you intentions and what you aim get for doing this course
Congratulations on putting together the first draft of your personal statement!
Don't worry if it sounds disjointed, you have missed bits out or it's too long or too short - you can correct these things later on.
First of all, read through what you've written slowly and try to read it from someone else's point of view.
Make sure it's easy to read and not confusing. Have you said everything you want to say without under or over-selling yourself?
If you are confused by reading your own personal statement, it is likely anyone else reading it will be too (including the admissions tutors!).
Next - get other people to read it. Ask your family, friends, teachers and anyone else who you think will be able to give you a good opinion.
As well as checking for spelling and grammar mistakes, they will be able to tell you if they think there are some things you may have missed out.
Also show it to your head of year at school or career adviser, as people like this will have seen a lot of personal statements and therefore know what a good personal statement looks like.
You could also get people on the Internet to look at your statement, and see what they think.
There are many web based communities where you can post your personal statement or email it to people, and they will happily give you advice for free.
This debating experience, including the preparation of cases for and against motions, has given me advocacy skills which will be very useful in my future career as a lawyer. To begin with, I want to join a law school which will guide me through my career and give me the skills to be an effective lawyer. I wish to take part in a curriculum which is broad and that will give me a good grasp of what it is to be a lawyer. Sheffield Hallam University has this range, and its reputation in the legal world is strong. It has produced many fine lawyers who have gone on to impressive careers in the public arena and as advisers to major corporations as well as the general public.